October 20th, 2022
By Grief Counsellor Lucy Cole
It happens to thousands of people every year. A divorce or a relationship breakdown is one of the deepest griefs you will ever experience in your lifetime. It can leave you feeling lost, empty, worthless and most often you can lose yourself and your identity. It also has a huge effect on the people around you and you can find yourself in a whirlwind of pain and change.
I personally experienced a very difficult and painful breakup in 2015 which led to a very lengthy and costly divorce. I spent the years fighting in court with the man I once loved married and had children with. How do we get to this place, how do we survive such betrayal and deep heartache. It nearly destroyed me as I struggled to process and accept that any relationship can turn so sour and toxic. Why wasn’t I enough, why has this happened to me? In attempt to find answers I retrained myself as a Personal Evolutionary and Health Coach, Master NLP & Hypnosis Practitioner, specialising in grief/trauma, behavioural phycology and relationships. Taking all my knowledge and experience from my own personal grief/trauma into my coaching programmes to help and guide my clients.
It’s imperative for any of us to form a new healthy relationship we must heal ourselves first. The key to this is not taking our grief, pain, baggage and issues from past relationships to new relationships.
Generally, when we leave a negative relationship, we are often left feeling vulnerable and we can move on too quickly to the next relationship to fill a void and distract you from your pain. Then we wonder why were surprised when the next relationship fails and becomes toxic and negative. This cycle continues until you release your own pain, feelings, thoughts and emotions of past hurt in all relationships.
You must take responsibility for own actions and the behaviour that you find acceptable and change your environments. Do some deep emotional healing work on yourself, join groups to help with this, learn & grow from past mistakes, set your boundaries, love yourself again and know your self-worth.
I highly recommend Moving On (Dump your relationship Baggage & make room the love of your life) by Russel Friedman & John W James.
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