September 26th, 2022
blog
The right person will make you complete and all your cares go away?! Well, that is indeed the message that many of the movies and love stories convey.
But how much of that 'destiny' premise is dependent on yourself and being relationship skilled and savvy, or in other words being ‘date ready’ and ‘ready for love'…
An article in Psychology Magazine n August 2022 recently went viral about men and dating: ‘The Rise of Lonely, Single Men’ - data found that 62% of app users are infact male.
The writer, Greg Matos discusses how women have left the apps disappointed as they desire ‘men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values,’ and that many women claim they are not finding this on the dating sites.
On the other side, many men have their own complaints that the app sites are full of married women and scammers, with links that take you to paid services from fake profiles.
One thing is for certain a matchmaking agency can help to ensure that people are presented who are genuinely available and security checked, but how do men (and women) get in the right mindset with the right attitude.
It is a well discussed fact that men were raised from childhood to bottle up their emotions and be ‘strong’ – expressing emotions and accepting vulnerability is not something past generations knew how to do and yet is essential for mutual happiness. Emotions are a normal and healthy part of human experience and opening up is key.
It is also generally known that we learn how to interact with others from birth – that being by how our parents and other associates engage with both us and each other. Many of us end up repeating relationship patterns that we’ve seen and experienced in childhood, even when these aren’t positive. Better ways of communicating, interacting and engaging with others really can be learned. Self awareness is key.
On the other hand some men have expressed that they can feel unappreciated by women and again its a two way process. Expressing appreciation and gratitude for your partner is a quick and easy way to boost a relationship, plus acknowledging the positive things a partner does also goes a long way.
Alcohol, drug taking and even smoking can affect moods and have detriment effect on relationships. Being healthy and happy in yourself goes a long way. After all we should come into a relationship as emotionally well as possible as nobody wants negative dramas. Balance is key, and healthy choices do benefit.
A sample “thank you” and a hug after a stressful day at work can make great inroads. As for communication, it’s firstly key for men and women to really listen to their partners/dates. At times we hear what we expect to hear, we may hear things as criticism that are not, rather than listening and checking what is actually being said and meant, its also important to show an actual interest in what your partner says and does and an interest in how their day goes about news, happiness and sorrows. It might also involve asking what the other person needs from you to feel loved.
Yes many of us hate having our photo taken, but its your shopfront to get the matches you want. Think about your personal style and the background and then words (like a resume) that really do sell yourself.
What would you really like to get to know about your potential date?” Or: “What qualities are you looking for in a partner, then ask direct questions to discover more about them! The conversation will flow more naturally as you start to delve deeper. Great conversations become so much easier when you invest time in thinking about what you’d like in a partner and by having good standards for the people you interact with, you will end up with a better result and it is attractive as it shows you’re not going to settle for just anyone and that you also have good self-esteem. Write a list of dealbreakers and qualities that are essential.
Dating can be tiresome, as at all stages you will need to put effort into this area of your life. It is important to let go of any dating situations that make you feel frustrated and unmotivated. If a match’s responses are one or two words long, show little effort on their side or are rude or disrespectful then recognise that she or he doesn’t meet your standards and politely finish it with them. Invest your time and energy into people who will meet your effort and who you can see developing a real relationship with.
Continue with activities that you enjoy, whether it is golf, cooking or indeed your business - it will make you more interesting to date and lift your energy.
Raise any issues constructively about how you feel and about how your needs could be better met. It will enable a good partner to hear and respond and be compassionate.
With an unlimited supply of potential dates, people seem to have forgotten the importance of compromise. Nobody is perfect we all have flaws and difficulties but acceptance is the most powerful relationship skill of all.
Ultimate Attraction has an in-house dating coaching service or those who need further assistance in getting ‘date ready’.
We vet all clients to ensure they are single and wanting a committed relationship.
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